If Those One Billion iPhone Apps Were A Village Of One Hundred

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I worry when I only see a link to “advanced options” on a website, I may be jumping into something I’m not ready for.

I had the happiest childhood of anyone in the world.  Really.  I would get in trouble everyday for laughing uncontrollably at school.  Sadly, after years of harsh punishment I’ve spent most of my adult life being depressed…

My girlfriend’s wrong, I’m an extremely empathetic person.  I’m always dying to know what the fucking cat is getting into.

At my bank the drive through lane has a speed limit of 4mph.  I would love to meet the cop that’s going to write a ticket for 5mph.  But I’d settle for the guy who decided on that limit.

I saw a U-Haul van today.  On the side it proclaimed that they had the “Right Equipment-Lowest Prices.”  Now, does that mean if I, for some selfish reason, disobey this scripture and pay less somewhere else, I will just plain get the wrong equipment?

When your roommate accuses you of brainwashing, just be sad that you lost control of him.

Curiosity killed a cat.  I’m not sure who killed mine.

I like libraries and I like delis.  They’re the only two places that if I owe them money they actually ask me, “Would you like to pay for this now?”  Well, if I could just not pay for it at all that’d be nice.

My favorite time to write is from 11:30pm to 12:30am.  “I wrote for days!”  I exclaim.

My 12-pack of sprite was yelling at me today, “Same Great Taste!”  They would only yell for a few different reasons.

A.  Relieved that it actually worked out.

B.  Trying to intimidate.

And finally…

C.  A harmless joke.

Five children slaughtered in Washington.  14 people shot dead in New York.  Multiple officers killed in California and Pennsylvania.

In response to the growing, inexplicable violence in these here United States, President Barack Obama has shifted his sights.  The evacuation/invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan has been evolved into what everyone has been asking for.  For the troops to come home.  But not for what most peace loving Americans here think.  President Obama has approved the need for military interference in America, based on the rapid increase in similarities between here and the Middle East.  The most obvious similarities have come in the form of our response to crisis  (an economy in shambles, a leader with wide support (forced, coerced or otherwise), high unemployment, major corruption and so on).  Death seems to be the solution people are choosing.  County battalions and convoys have already been scheduled and plotted, waiting for re-deployment (also coming home!)  I wouldn’t be surprised if the right to bear arms was lost and private property quartering of soldiers came back into stride.

It seems odd that in a time when most of the people in the U.S. don’t support the war, they choose to live in one at home.