When I eventually meet Geroge Lucas, I’ll have a couple questions for him:

1. Darth Vader’s name sounds strikingly familiar to “father” in German which is “vater”.  Is there any significance to this?

2. Why does Darth Vader feel no compasion towards C-3PO?  I mean Vader is his creator.

3. Where can I buy a Han Solo carbonite replica to hang on my wall?

4. Why doesn’t Princess Leia say to Luke, “You don’t look like a stormtrooper?” if they are all clones of Jango Fett?

5. Why does the Emperor explode when Vader tosses him down that tunnel thing?

6.  What’s with Princess Leia’s context sensitive harstyles?

First of all, you need to be able to recognize when you’re in a horror movie scenario.  When Johnny over there doesn’t come back after getting wood from outside, you probably shouldn’t send 1 person to check on him.

1. When people say they see crazy shit, believe them.

2. Don’t fuck up your hands or feet doing stupid shit.  (i.e. running blindly through the woods at night)

3. Always look behind yourself.  Use your fucking eyeballs and periphs.

4. Screaming only tells them where you are.

5.  Stay in the house.

6. Don’t split up.

7. If there’s a black guy with you, use him as a diversion early on to escape.  Those guys always die first anyways.

8. When facing paranormal activity, you’re either: a) all going to die, b) some of you might live, and will have a lifelong bond, or c) you all wish you’d die.